That's how we started!

I lost my father in 2006 when I was 13 in a road accident and life hasn’t been the same since then. I reminisce him in his old pictures and memories, and in none of them was he ever seen grumpy or unhappy. 

 

When he was my age, we were a middle-class resource-constrained joint family of 9 people, him, being the primary breadwinner. Even on festivals, he would hardly buy anything for himself. In his childhood, he had lived in poverty, struggled for 2 meals a day and dropped out of school in 4th grade. And somehow managed to be a graduate doing odd jobs and studying distantly.. He would ask his cousins to give him their used books but they wouldn’t. His aunt and uncles would treat him like unpaid labour and get the odd jobs done. And this man grows up to always have a space in his place for his 100 extended family members (Trust, me, I am not exaggerating). 

 

He never told me anything until about a month before his death, when I overheard a family discussion. Like all teenagers, I also thought I was smarter than my father. You know that age when you have just learned to make sense and you think you know it all and your parents don’t? I stormed to his room and started shouting at him for keeping up with these relatives who have never really been there for our family. 
 

He simply smiled. That annoyed me further. I felt stupid for respecting those people over the years, serving them tea and snacks all day- the people who had let my father go to sleep empty stomach. I felt more stupid of my father who knew it all, felt it all, and still respected them, asked us to respect them, and never complained about it all. To me, at that moment, he seemed unaware, weak, and a people pleaser. 

 

Upon persistently irritating him with my questions, at last, he said, he’ll talk about it whenever it was the right time. My favourite part of my relationship with my father was honesty. He never told me stories of gods and ghosts. He kept it real. He explained situations in the simplest of ways. So I knew it would come someday.

 

That day came soon. It was a Parents-teachers Meet. I wasn’t a topper but had done well. The teachers were happy. My father was extra emotionally proud that day. I assumed it was for marks but then he corrected me. He was proud to know that I shared my notes with everyone in the class. Then the following conversation happened:

 

Him: “ why do you share your notes with everyone,  some even did better than you” 

Me: “Because I make them for myself. In the process, if it helps others, isn’t it a good thing?” 

Him: “What if they don’t share their notes with you?” 

Me: “Doesn’t matter. I have enough of my own. I don’t need their notes” 

Him: “Exactly! You share, you give not to seek returns but because you have enough.”

 

It was too much for me to understand at that time. 

We paused. He looked at me as if to see in my eyes if I understood what he meant. 

Suddenly waqt badal gaya jazbaat badal gaye, from what appeared weakness to me was badass confidence. 

 

Me: “So you know they are useless?” 

He laughed, then hugged, me and said, “I have my children. I have enough.” 

I teared up. I wish I had hugged him longer, and told him how proud I was to be his daughter too, how much I loved him as this turned out to be the last such deep conversation I had with him.

It’s been 17 years.  As all theories need some success to validate them into a belief, over these years, I have been testing his philosophy secretly, trying to find reasoning and compare his impact with and after him. 

Is it still valid in modern times? For everyone? 

Or has all the noise that came with mental health awareness made giving love and breaking chains of hatred a thing of the past?

 

So the first question is, what did he get in return?

In the times when colleagues backstab and forget your favours overnight, the goodwill he earned at work continues to be a trusted friend for my mom and our family.  And those relatives, yes have been useless as I said, and we were enough without them as he assured but every time they speak of him it either tears them up or makes them smile, mostly, both. All of his uncles and aunts are no more, and in those dying moments when they felt neglected by their blood, they missed him. 

Isn’t it what we all live for?

To be remembered. 

 

Next question, what did he do? 

Be kind. be nice? But being nice on the face mostly results in gossip behind the back. 

We need to be real and self-aware. Because then even unkind truth won’t hurt as you already know it and if it isn’t true, how does it even matter?

Then if real can be packaged into nice and kind, perfect! 

He was authentically nice.

 

Two kinds of people who believe in love.

One, who hasn't been broken or betrayed. Like those first-time lovers in their teenage.

And secondly, the ones who have been broken and betrayed, but they stood up and chose to choose love instead.

 

He loved selflesslessly without having expectations because he was self-aware.

Self-awareness gives you security.

 

What is self-awareness?

In one word, LOVE.

Knowing what/who we love. 

Life is nothing but the choices we make. Our choices depend on what we love more. Our difficulty is not making the choice itself but the option you let go of. 

Privilege is the choices you don’t have to make. 

Money is a privilege because you don’t have to compromise on basic needs like education and health. Instead of a career or kids, it's a privilege if a woman can keep both. Love of your life or your family, people who have been torn by these choices would understand what a privilege it is to to not have to take these decisions and make tough choices. 

 

That's what parents do. Our childhood wasn't easy because there were no problems. Our parents ensured the privilege of not having to make difficult choices. They made life easier.
 

That’s what A little Love does as well- make lives easier. With actions, not just words. Our mission, through all our brands (Good Old Days and Alter Ego), is to build an empathetic world for sustainable coexistence. We believe when individuals are empathized with, respected for their uniqueness, and believed in for their potential, they are empowered. Empowered individuals respect differences and coexist. And coexistence is the sustainable solution to pretty much everything!